Dear Inconsiderate Lady At The Parade

That's ok. My kids didn't want any candy. After all, I'm sure that's why people hand candy out so that adults like you, who could use a few more minutes on the stairclimber, can get even more calories.

Now that I know that I need to play a little defense so my kids can get a chance next time I'll be sure to bring a chili cheese dog to distract you. After your fat ass chases the chili cheese dog about a couple of blocks there's no doubt that I will be able to get back to the family to enjoy the rest of the parade since you will have passed out by then.

Hey, by the way. Happy 4th! Thanks for the reminder that though our country is full of great Americans there are still dumbasses like you that provide a good contrast.

Yours In Christ,
Pastor Jim Dandy